You know that feeling?
When you feel worthless and that everything you do no matter how great just isn’t enough? Yea that’s the feeling I have. Being judged at face value on something you cant control, while knowing that is one of the main things you’ve been working on, while thinking you were making progress sucks donkey balls. I mean what more can I do? There’s so many fucks I can say I don’t give just to know that there are many fucks I do give that can replace them. How can I be who I am when it seems to get me nowhere. Do I have to plan how i should be from now on while ignoring the fact that I’m going to feel like an actress. How good is it when people fall in love with the person you’re pretending to be while ignoring your true self. Have I even explored my self enough to actually know who I am? Who am I? I don’t live life to the fullest and I care to much what others have to say. But its not as easy as saying fuck it. why cant I just be one of those people who actually mean it when they say fuck it. I want to fuck it too, I want to fuck it ALL!! No I wont, I’ll still care until the day I realize that my mind state is a toxic way of thinking. Just because I know of it doesn’t mean I know it. When I know it I can fix it.
